For all the broken-hearted souls out there...

True love exists. You just have to open your heart and let people in. People may have the potential to break your heart and leave a permanent scar on your life, but more often than not, they also have the potential to love and cherish you in ways you never thought were possible. When it comes to love, you gotta take a leap of faith. Believe in the quintessential beauty that lies within you and know that you deserve to be loved truly, madly, deeply. Believe in your very own ability to shower somebody with love. Believe in the ultimate power and joy that ensue when true love takes place.

Don't keep the pain. Forgive yourself and others. Try not to look back at the things that make your heart ache. Don't recall those moments that almost kill you inside. Things happened. People made mistakes. So did you. But at the end of the day, the most important lesson you need to learn is to not punish yourself for the things that happened, for the pain that you inflicted on others, or for the permanent cuts that others left on you. As hard as it is to regain the strength and the faith, do all that you can to win yourself back. Love yourself enough to let go of the past. Focus on the power of now and the promising future that awaits you. You only have one life to live, so live it fully and truly. Don't live it in fears, and don't ever compromise when it comes to your very own happiness.

Keep moving forward until you see the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have not seen the light, you have not reached the end yet, so keep going! Don't give up on love, and most importantly, don't give up on yourself because if you do, nobody will ever fight for you.

Emotional healing

There is still that sense of longing in me, that hopeless search for the comfort and stability that I’ve grown so accustomed to these past few years, that desire to be someone else’s “one and only”, that journey to find happiness and true love. Sometimes I feel as bereft as an abandoned newborn baby on a remote island. I know that I need to love myself first and many times over again. I need to accept the fact that this is just another rough patch in life, that eventually time will heal. Time won’t make me whole ever again, but it will make me better, stronger, deeper (so I hope!). I can’t say that I’ve gone through this road many times, but yes, I have definitely been there. I just hope that this time I know how to love myself enough to not hold on to the pain and torture my mind, heart, and soul for not fighting hard enough. How hard is enough?

I am surrounded by an overwhelming amount of love and support these days from my family and dear friends, the ones who know me well enough to understand that behind the cold, strong, brave front that I am putting forth, I am dying slowly inside... but I am going to box up all of these pessimistic thoughts and negative energy and ship them to Neverland.

I(t) will get better.

Yes I can!

The library is still packed with people, probably cramming last minute for exam prep, projects, papers, whatever, at the wee hours. I am terribly sleep-deprived and have to solely rely on the magic power of caffeine these days to maneuver through the last two and a half weeks of school.
Summer is so near, I could taste its sweetness, but I'm still not there, not there,... at least until I manage someway, somehow, to finish 3 research projects and presentations at the end of this month. I have been spending countless hours staring blank at the computer screen these past couple of days trying to gather up thoughts and ideas to start writing, but inspiration was nowhere to be found. The only motivation at this point for me is to get credits for the classes I'm taking and not make a fool of myself next semester in front of my students for being the worst procastinator in the world!
Okay, enough with the complaints... Since I updated my blog once in a million years, let me paint some colors and add some rhythms into it... On a positive note, flowers are blossoming beautifully this season! Although I'm stuck in a four-wall airconditioned room most of my waking hours, I still find some selfish "me" time to soak up the sun on my way to work, to classes, to the bus stop, and yesterday, lie on the grass for a good 20+ minutes talking to my host mom. Despite the constant school- and finance-related stress these days, I've been a very happy camper! I am blessed with a wonderful relationship and overjoyed with the promising future ahead for K and I. Thinking about 3 wonderful months back home this summer traveling with M, planning for my big day, enjoying priceless quality time with my family and friends, screaming my heart out for World Cup and eating all the goodies, I can't stop myself from dancing and smiling!!!

One of those days....

There are certain experiences that, once gone by, still feel so surreal. Flashbacks of long-forgotten memories, emotions, and feelings usually make my heart ache. But, today is an exception. It's one of those days when I find peace and contentment in my heart, and reminiscence doesn't hurt the way it used to be. From a series of fortunate and unfortunate events that took place in my life this past year, I've learnt to let go of the past and take strong hold of the present. I've managed to make peace with myself and to finally breathe in the light.
I am learning the language of love all over again with a precious person who's stood by my side through the highs and lows of life, who's never failed to shower me with love, warmth, and support, who's excused me in times of troubles, and who's patiently waited for me during the course of my emotional healing.
Today is one of those days that brings me teary eyes, and it's all because I'm happy, blessed, and in love...

Come find me!

About to explode...

Extremely uncertain...

Moody, very moody...

Want an escape to a place where there's no trace of sadness or worries.. Just plain, simple happiness, warmth, and love...

Seek for more understanding, sympathy, compassion...

Want this whole thing to just vanish...

Don't want to hope, or plan, or think of the future...

Just live now, breathe now, love now...

Some thoughts on a gloomy day...

It still rains, and rains, and rains...
It has been raining for about a week now. As much as I love the rain, this is starting to drive me insane. The weather cooled off after a series of rainy days, so I'm not complaining about that part, but I am ready for some hot, sweaty, sunny days again...
Well, what can I say.. aren't we all greedy? haiz....
From where I'm sitting now, the whole view looks sad and depressing. I had to literally fight myself out of bed this morning to get ready for work. I'd sworn to never work the 8 a.m. shift ever again after almost 2 years battling with the morning wake-up dilemma, yet I can't seem to quite escape it @__@
Graduate school is slowly getting better. I could maintain my concentration for the whole class period and eventually understand some of the materials without feeling super dumb, lost, and wanting to give up. Yesterday was, indeed, the first day in the last 3 weeks that I could walk out of my class with a positive attitude. Another weekend is here, and I am ready to indulge myself with one precious evening doing absolutely nothing. Deadlines for research proposals are approaching, and I still haven't figured out what I want to do just yet, so I guess I shouldn't be enjoying myself too much, or else the cycle of madness will continue.
Had a good catch-up lunch yesterday with AC. Something kills me inside looking at him struggling so hard to let his feelings go and trying to patch up his terribly scarred heart. I wanted to be there in all possible ways for him, yet it's hard for me to put myself out there. I see him and I see a part of my past. I could feel my pain all over again. We talked a lot over lunch about the "what if" scenarios, and I have to admit those were some of the questions that I did ask myself during my coping period. But, I am done with "what ifs". I am done with reminiscing, thinking, and missing. I am thankful that I had all the support I need in order to move past a traumatic period of my life. I assured him things would eventually be okay, that he would be healed by somebody magical (just like I was), and that he would find an answer for all the questions he posed along the way.
To recover and heal from a broken heart seems to be an insurmountable obstacle and a dreadful never-ending process. Sometimes I can't comprehend how people could learn to forgive, forget, and move on all at ease because it was one heck of a long, way too long, battle for me. What is it about the "ex" factor that could turn our world upside down?
At the end of the day, I want to have the simple joy of belonging to my one and only beloved, that I could wake up and go to bed with the same person in whose eyes and whispering voice I could just melt away. I want to feel loved and give love every second, every minute, every day.

Weekend comes early!

With the precious remaining sunshine and light touches of heat, I find myself smile a bigger smile as weekend draws near. Baby is coming later tonight to pick me up for a much-needed weekend getaway even though I can't afford to spare any days relaxing until this hell of a semester is over at the end of December. But, oh well, being a lazy bump that I am, I find the excuse of letting my body and mind rewind as the ultimate contribution to my energy booster and mental sharpness; so, off, I gooooooooooo...

There are still piles of readings and assignments needed to get done this weekend that I am away, but I will have all the motivation to do them as long as Baby stays beside me <3. The future is still far ahead, but I have the faith and confidence that everything I want and need is within reach.. Please pray for my happily-ever-after ending! <3